We’ve all been there. Your partner wants to be intimate, they’re ready and wanting and willing, and all you can think about is how bulgy and un-perfect your body is, and that your partner will see your rolls of fat and suddenly think ‘ewwww…gross…" Of course they won’t think that. Because a) they love you, and b) your grossness is all in your head. Let me say that again, even if you are at your heaviest, your least-rested, most exhausted, greasiest, frumpiest state, you are not gross. You are a sexy goddess, and if you don’t feel like that’s true, please keep reading.
If you’ve ever felt completely devastated about your body, Sweetie, you are so not alone. Women often hate their stomachs, their thighs, their boobs, their hips, their asses, and the list goes on. Basically, if there’s a body part, there’s a woman out there who dislikes hers. Along with disliking specific body parts, countless women (like me) struggle with feeling distain for their overall size and shape – and, of course their weight. Much of this is a natural reaction to the unrealistic cultural expectations of what women are ‘supposed’ to look like.
When you don't need to be perfect in order to feel good about yourself, you can drop the obsessive fixation with being thin enough or pretty enough, and accept yourself as you are! You can even revel in who you are. Being comfortable in your own skin allows you to focus on what's really important, being healthy – and that always looks good.
For some reason we often feel shame around being lonely. As if feeling lonely means there’s something wrong with us. As humans, connection matters. Our built in brains biology is literally wired for connection. We are wired for belonging. The biological machinery of our brain warns us when our ability to thrive and prosper is threatened. Hunger is a warning about her blood sugar is low and we need to eat. Thirsty warns us that we need to drink to avoid dehydration. Pain is a warning for potential tissue damage. And loneliness tells us that we need social connection, something as crucial to our well-being as of food and water. Denying that I feel lonely makes no more sense then denying that I feel hungry.
I opened the door and there he was, 1/3 of a second passed before I fell into his arms. His bones were like a magnet to my blood. As I buried my face into his chest, tears filled my eyes… I knew it was him. He’s the one I’ve been searching my whole life for. I’ve met him before in another life time. Here we are again, together, soulmates. He is my soulmate.
Tomorrow is a really big day for me. A Gynaecological- surgeon will be starting the process of reconstructing my vulva. As most of you know from previous posts; as a child I was touched sexually by another child, and he left a device on my labia that I couldn’t get off for three weeks. I felt ashamed, and tried to hide this from my mom, until she found the leakage of gangrene in my underwear when doing laundry - resulting in an ER trip and countless Child Protection workers, but never a psychologist.
Maybe your partner grew up squeezing the tube of toothpaste from the middle like some kind of monster.. and you roll it neatly from the bottom (like Jesus probably did). It bugs you that your partner doesn’t do it “right”, right?
I read 101 relationship books and try to fix it before he found out I was struggling. The more I researched the more I felt scared-nothing talked about this feeling. Wanting to run and hide, pause our relationship until I found a way to fix it. THEN at the most inconvenient time….