“I’m crying because I feel gross! I feel so ugly!”


“Why are you crying?”

“I’m crying because I feel gross! I feel so ugly!”

“Baby, come on… I think you look amazing.”

Nelson assured me as he ran his hand down my back. I quickly pulled away, afraid he’d feel the line where the shape-wear dug into my back.

I’ve been spending entire days in spandex tubes engineered to suck things in and push things down I haven’t felt the natural skin of my stomach since my youngest daughter was born, not to mention that I was probably poisoning myself internally with carbon monoxide because I hadn’t fully exhaled in months.

“I don’t look amazing. I just feel disgusting right now, like, my whole body.” I sobbed. 

Nelson could tell me I’m beautiful until he was blue in the face, and it wouldn’t make a difference because I didn’t believe it myself. Post pregnancy, everything had moved around and re-distributed to new areas, and I struggled dressing and accepting my new body. On top of all of the internal issues, you can add 1 million exterior issues.. 

If you’ve ever felt completely devastated about your body, Sweetie, you are so not alone. Women often hate their stomachs, their thighs, their boobs, their hips, their asses, and the list goes on. Basically, if there’s a body part, there’s a woman out there who dislikes hers. Along with disliking specific body parts, countless women (like me) struggle with feeling distain for their overall size and shape – and, of course their weight. Much of this is a natural reaction to the unrealistic cultural expectations of what women are ‘supposed’ to look like.

Disliking your body will interfere with your sexual comfort and satisfaction. Research has found that the worse a woman’s body image is, the more likely she is to avoid sexual situations and, when in them, be more hesitant to tell her partner what she wants. And this is a problem. For example, in recent years, the prevalence of small and symmetrical inner vaginal lips shown in porn are causing some women to feel so self-conscious about the way their vulvas look that they’re turning to labiaplasty. Advertisements for “feminine hygiene products” lead some women to believe that their genitals are dirty and smell bad, and obviously women who think their genitals look, smell, or taste bad are not going to be able to relax during sex.

On a positive side, research has found that the more a woman likes her body, the more she initiates sex, the more sex she has, and the more orgasms she enjoys. So if you want to have more sex, have more sex. Oh, but that can be easier said than done. It’s a process. The idea of having sex without any covers over my body, still causes me anxiety. Often the most anxiety inducing part of having sex is being nude in front of another person. During sex, I’m always concerned about how my body looks to Nelson. Sometimes I prefer to have sex in the dark, or sometimes I like a certain sexual position only because it covers up a certain body part.

How much a woman dislikes her body and how much this interferes with her sex life is more about her body perception than about her actual body size or shape. I am working on changing these perceptions about myself, and you can overcome your negative body image, too! You can remind yourself that your partner appreciates your body. You can choose to ignore the critical thoughts in your head and BELIEVE your partner when they tell you how much you excite them. It’s ultimately more powerful if you can learn to love yourself, but listening to your partner and believing them can help. Start by telling yourself, “I love myself. I love my body. I love my sexy hair. I love how it feels to orgasm.”

And then, try out this awesome strategy for increasing your libido and confidence…