Sex after the birth of baby
Life changes after the delivery of a baby, many couples have concerns about their sex life. Researchers have concluded that love-making drops to 40% during the year after childbirth. They have also found that open communication, regular sex, (even just a bathroom quickie) and time to just be a couple together, are the keys to remaining emotionally and sexually connected during the early months of parenthood.
Most medical professionals advise women to wait at least until their 6 week, post baby checkup to have sex, for fear of infection. She needs to make sure everything is healed properly, and possibly find a suitable form of birth control, especially after a c-section. (Getting pregnant too soon can be dangerous)
'Six weeks' isn't a magic number either. Some women are not ready for 8 weeks to months.
Ultimately, once you're bleeding from the vagina has stopped, and your stitches have healed, it is physically safe to start lovemaking again. Things you may want to think about before this happens:
- Is your Perineum comfortable and healed? (Although your stitches may have long healed, you may still have tenderness)
- What method of birth control are you going to use? (You might want to give that some serious thought, because there's a very good chance that you'll ovulate before you get your period back. It's a good idea to give your body a bit of a break between pregnancies.)
- Do you feel like you want to have sex? Talk about your answers together and see if you both are ready.
We get it, men have needs. And we know after the blessing of fatherhood, it will eventually hit you: You want to have sex again. Like, NOW.
The challenge? Not getting your face ripped off.
There are 1 million and 1 reasons why your wife is most likely, definitely not on the same page.
Biological, emotional, and the fact that your wife just pushed out a baby out of her vagina. (Or under went a major surgery that left her tummy and insides in shambles.) Keep in mind that just because your partner is not ready to have sex, there are many factors as to why. It is most certainly, likely not you.
The first rule of sex after childbirth is there are no rules about sex after childbirth. Every couple is different. Every woman is different, every birth is different, no matter if this is your first or fourth.
The absolute worst thing Dad's can do is take new mom on a guilt trip. It's all to common that women feel pressured to feel badly for not being ready. Women need to feel supported and sexy.
Reasons why she may not feel like having sex.
Hormones and breastfeeding play a huge role in a women's libido.
Breast-feeding can suppress ovulation for months following birth, nature's way of preventing a new pregnancy from following to quickly. (But it is very likely to fall pregnant!! So be sure you use a back up birth control method.)
Unfortunately, this means that the amount of estrogen circulating a woman's body is far below normal, causing vagina dryness and a lower libido.
Pharmaceutical contraceptives, especially the pill, are well known to reduce libido.
Body Image. New mom is trying to get used to her new body. Her body has completely changed. She's leaking from literally everywhere, her stomach didn't disappear as fast as she thought, and she's worried her vagina is much more "loose" than before. On one hand she knows that she grew a freaking human being, and her body is beautiful and, on the other she just feels gross. Being puked on, peed on, and engorged breasts, doesn't make a new mom feel very sexy. So much a female sexual desire comes down to her self-esteem. It's important to help her feel beautiful. Tell her that you are so proud of her, that you can't believe what she went through and what she's done for your family, and then tell her she's beautiful again.
Exhaustion has to be one of the biggest reasons women have low libidos. Labour and delivery is physically and emotionally draining on so many levels. She may have low iron from birth, mom is waking every 1 1/2- 2 hours to feed baby, and not to mention if you have other children! Trying to keep the house clean... running after the other children, WOOHA. Believe it or not, men experience similar feelings during the first few weeks, A drop in testosterone and it all boils down to being tired. Help her combat exhaustion by sharing responsibilities, helping around the house and fitting in as much as you can.
She may have baby blues or be suffering from postpartum depression.
Baby blues is incredibly common so much that 4 in 5 mothers will experience it. Postpartum Depression (PPD) on the other hand, is something that both fathers and mothers can experience. So if you suspect your partner is suffering from depression, it's a good idea to see a professional to get some help and advice. Early recognition of PPD and prompt treatment benefits the whole family.
One word, episiotomy. She's afraid of painful sex. It takes about a month to heal from an episiotomy, and up to two months from a tear.
She might also suffer from dyspareunia, lack of lubrication. (In which case finding a good water-based lubricant, will make that first time a little less painful.)
For all reasons, it's easier to postpone sex until you’re both really jones-ing for it again. Understand that having sex less, is common and normal for most couples have just had a baby.
Even if you’re not having sex, it’s important for your relationship to stay intimate, cuddling, kissing, and body contact. Give her foot rubs, back massages, but guys, don't expect this kindness to lead to sex.
Another option is oral sex or foreplay, if you’re both into it. It can help you maintain a close physical bond even when you can’t have sex. The best foreplay for a new mom is when daddy does laundry, dishes, let's mommy get some rest or offer to watch the baby for as long as the baby allows.
When you both are ready to have sex again, it may take more than a few try's until it feels comfortable.
Use a safe lubricant, and take it slow. Here's why, and some tips.
Take it slowly. You may have some tenderness the first time you have sex, especially if you had a bad tear or your episiotomy hasn't had the chance to heal completely yet, even though your stitches have a long since healed.
Experiment with different positions. Missionary puts pressure right on your perineum.
Sex positions to try:
Spooning: Lying on your side your stomach is protected during sex. With the guy entering from behind, this is a great choice for those who have had a C-section and may be worried about putting pressure on the incisions.
Woman on top that way you can control penetration and speed. Whether both of you are lying down or sitting up, this position puts less pressure on her body and allows her to experiment with how much her body is ready to handle sexually.
Doggy style reduces the amount of pressure at the scar site. Try using a pile of pillows as support (and comfort) under her stomach.
Try using the bed edge, by scooting the bottom half of the woman’s body all the way to the edge of the bed, your partner can stand or kneel without putting any weight on your body.
It may not feel the same at first. Some women experience orgasms that maybe shorter and less intense A few months after birth.. Don't worry though it's probably just your partner. Kidding! It's actually because you have decreased blood flow to the labia majora and minora, and reduced perineal tone. Don't worry; everything will go back to normal once your body has had a chance to heal. Not to mention your vaginal muscle loses a little bit of tone. You can regain much of it back if you do kegel exercises on a regular basis.
Purchasing an over the counter water-soluble lubricant, is a good idea. Even if lubrication normally isn't a problem it most likely will be after delivery. you can even ask your doctor for an estrogen cream if dryness becomes a problem.
Birth control. If you're not ready to see a pregnancy test come back positive just yet, then you may want to consider a reliable method of birth control.